The Flatter's Diaries: 10 Flatmate types

Flatmates. There are times you can't live with them, and times you can't live without them. Whether you have two, seven, or 10, there are many types we can all relate to when it comes to sharing a roof with peeps who aren't family members:

1. The "Um, that's my fork you're using" type.

Okay m8, cool ya jets, you used my favourite Boyzone mug last week.

In any flatting environment, there are things that simply have to be communal. Period.

Cutlery, cups, mugs, and pretty much all cooking utensils and appliances fall under this category and should be free range. 

In an ideal world, this should generally be the same for the basic food staples; Milk, butter, condiments, cooking oil etc.

You'd think so, but not in this day and age.

With the rise of the glutards, dairy-free, fat-free, sugar-free, plant eating vegans, you're unlikely to walk into a flat these days where there aren't five different types of milk open ranging from almond to chinchilla milk. You can milk anything with nipples, Greg.

2. The "Sorry my rent is late" type.

Particularly frustrating. Especially if the bill paying role has landed on your lap.

If you've signed up to a flat, you're agreeing to pay rent, on the same day, every week, fortnight, month, or whatever. No excuses.

Pay rent and other living expenses first. Don't be a dick to the poor sod who has to grovel to the landlord.

3. The "Lets have a party this weekend" type.

Ah yes, the party animal. We all know one/are one.

Having a flat party can be a hoot and a great way to bond and get loose with the flatties. But in a flatting environment there are usually a few thing to consider that the party initiator probably didn't.

Get on board ol' mate's bandwagon, but take some time to consider the rest of the flatties (like the one mentioned below). Coz your resident party pal won't - they're too busy already trying to find a vessel for circle of death.

4. The "Lets NOT have a party this weekend" type.

"I've got to study."

"Nah I just want to watch a romcom with the boyf on the couch this Saturday."

"CBF with the clean up."

We all know this type, or more than likely have been this type at some point.

Negotiate/put a glass of wine in front their face/spike their OJ with vodka - they will come around.

5. The "Your wardrobe is my wardrobe" type.

Well it's not, because they didn't pay for it.

Having flatties who have similar taste to you can be a great perk and ideal for those occasions when nothing in your wardrobe is working. But this bonus shouldn't be abused on a daily basis - not without asking anyway.

If you're borrowing something, it should be returned in exactly the same shape that it was when you borrowed it (washed, dried properly, hung up/folded etc.). If you're borrowing something worn/from their laundry basket - that's weird. Put it back.

Everyone has different levels of concern when it comes to their things being borrowed. Whether it be an expensive item, favourite item, or something you think they wouldn't even notice if it went missing, it pays to ask. Trust me.

6. The "Sorry guys, tuna and rice again for everyone tonight" type.

Yes, this would be absolutely fine (kinda) if the others hadn't slaved in the kitchen for two hours the night before to serve up a stuffed chicken breast wrapped in bacon on a bed of cous cous *wipes drool off chin*

Okay that's probably a tad OTT for a week night flatters dish. But you get it.

This type cooks veeerrry simple, quick and cheap meals when it's their turn to whip up dinner. 

Give them some motivation; subtle hints - leave a recipe book on their pillow, throw it at them, that sort of thing. 

7. The "Yeah I'll clean up later" type.

Will you though? Because your last week's spag bowl dishes are still in the corner of the bench and a colony of ants have set up camp there. 

This type is not necessarily lazy, they just have far more exciting things to get to. But don't we all.

Be proactive with mess. Especially food mess.

TIP: clean anything used to cook egg immediately after use. That shit hardens.

8. The "Clean it up now" /OCD type.

The one often butting heads with the "I'll clean up later type." A common LOL of a duo in a lot of flatting environments.  

Although this type can often come across as naggy and mum-like, they are good to have around and get the ball rolling when the place is a literal pigsty.

9. The forgetful/not turning appliances off that could potentially burn the house down type.

Are you done with that element hun or are you actually trying to kill us? 

Give this type a kick up the bum, a slap on the wrist, and send them to bed without any dinner.

If this fails and you find them leaving their hair straighteners on one too many times, start using them as kitchen tongs.

Rule: make sure you have working smoke alarms.

...and contents insurance.

10. The noisy type.

I think at some stage we are all guilty of complaining when the flatmates are being noisy. But then you complain when they complain that you are being noisy.

We're all hypocrites really.

But then there's the type who has zero care about the amount of noise produced from their gob, speakers, or bed springs for that matter.

My condolences if you share a wall with this person. The only real solution here is to politely ask them to put a sock in it.

If that doesn't work, put the contents of their bedroom out on the lawn.

Better living everyone!

Me = a combination of #3 and #8.


(image via Pinterest)