Why I Turned Vegan...For Three Days

MOOOOOve over 'Cowspiracy' - there's a new controversy in town. 

What the health - 'The health film that health organisations don't want you to see.'

The film exposes the collusion and corruption in government and big businesses that is costing us an absurd amount of healthcare dollars, and keeping us sick.

After hearing rumors about the meat and dairy controversies this Netflix 'film'/dramatized documentary unwraps, I decided to watch it for myself. I had no major expectations, and I did not for one second think it would prompt me to reconsider my eating habits, and look into where my food is actually coming from... 

I was brought up on what we all perceived/perceive to be a healthy, normal, well-balanced, run-of-the-mill diet. Your typical kiwi kid; raised on meat for protein, carbs for energy, and milk for strong bones.

McDonald's was a rare (uni days not included), sugary foods were a 'treat', and fizzy drink was only consumed on special occasions. 

I'm pretty chill when it comes to food. I'll eat whatever, whenever, from wherever. But this film's dramatized scenes depicting that animal products cause cancer, diabetes, heart disease, and more, was enough to make me choke on my chorizo. 

All of the doctors, scientists, CEOs, and other know-it-alls in this film are extremely convincing. Regardless of the medical jargon they spit out, the emotive language and compelling confidence they have in themselves was enough to brainwash a foodie amateur like myself. 

I'm a sponge. A trusting sponge. I'll absorb anything anyone with some sense of credibility tells me, and I'll believe they hold all the answers. 

Which is why I panicked.

Not too far into the film we are told that The World Health Organization classifies processed meat as a class one carcinogen, and red meat as a class two carcinogen.


Isn't tobacco, asbestos, and plutonium also on this 'class one' list? This is not good. Nottttt goood.

A harrowing metaphor illustrated is that eating processed meat is just as damaging as smoking.  

Holy hecka, if that doesn't make you question your life history of animal product consumption, cheese is also referred to as 'coagulated cow pus'. Excuse me whilst I throw out the cottage cheese that's been in the fridge since November 03. 

This annoyed me. I love cheese. Halloumi, Feta, Camembert, you name it. How dare they defame this well loved delicacy. Sigh.

The film also goes on to cite links between dairy consumption and cancer. It claims dairy is loaded with various growth factors. Not only that, but it points out that the main input for dioxins is in the grass that cows eat! Which we then consume through their flesh, and milk. Yikes. What am I supposed to drown my Coco pops in now??!!

Dr. Barnard comments that there is zero evidence that milk builds strong bones. So supposedly all of those 'drink yo milk, kid's' campaigns are the biggest crock of BS that we have ever been fed. I feel a fool.

In general, errrrone loveeees a diet trend, so stoking the ire of the religiously militant vegans is not so much an unappealing thing to do. Hence why this film goes so above and beyond to dramatize the benefits of eating a plant based diet. Any true vegan viewer would be absolutely fizzing that so much effort has gone into producing a film about this prickly topic. 

Post viewing, I was so manipulated into downing a block of marinated tofu that I got on my high horse and decided to give #VeganLife a trial run. Initially it was going to be two weeks. Then it dropped to one week. Then three days...

But really, it was about eight hours. I was an eight hour vegan. I was vegan while I slept. 

The eight-hour sleep vegan let's call me. 

The reason I was technically only vegan for eight hours was because I fucked up on the first morning and put butter on my toast. Yep.

The day before I had stocked my fridge with all sorts of whacky health foods. Soy milk, falafel, vegetarian sausages, the works. Sheesh.

Meat, who even needs it? Not me! I unrealistically thought to myself.

Weeeell, shit. 

Three days in; two kumara burgers and one tofu stir fry later, my vegan campaign came to a grinding halt. I was starved, hangry, deprived. I'd hit rock bottom, as some would refer. I'd had enough.

How messed up is it that as soon as you can't have something, you automatically crave that banned item like no tomorrow? Might I also add, every god damn thing is either 'produced in the same facility as dairy' or 'may contain traces of dairy.'

So, yep. Long story short, I'm the worlds worst vegan.

Bacon, I'm sorry I took you for granted, take me back.

What I have taken into consideration from watching the film and jumping on google:

  • There are both healthy and unhealthy versions of vegan/non vegan diets. Just because one may claim they are vegan, that doesn't necessarily mean they eat healthily. In my opinion it's better to eat a wide range/well-balanced diet of all food groups, rather than avoiding animal products all together and living off Twisties and 2min noodles. Amiright?
  • I'm willing to cut back/out processed meat. I def agree with them to an extent here that that shit is baaayaad. Bacon can stay though. 
  • Milk...hmmm...I'm in two minds about this. It tastes better than all of the other boxed crap. If we are supposed to give up cow's milk, can someone please help a hun out and tell me what I'm supposed to drink instead? Rice milk ain't sitting well with me that's for sure.
  • Free farmed meat - I'm not sure if this really makes a difference but I'll be buying free range from now....when it's on special....

Stay tuned for my next blog on #PaleoLife.

Lol, Jk. 

.....Maybe though??